This is your New Year pep talk! And honestly, if you’re reading this after the New Year, it’ll still be valuable.
I had something else planned for this episode, but this conversation actually came up in my peer-led mastermind group of business owners. 4 out of the 5 of us have little kids, and I shared a thought I had with the group based on another person’s question: what you are able to accomplish looks EXTREMELY different depending on whether or not you have kids.
Let’s start by saying I love my kids (obviously – I have 4 of them!). My kids and my husband are my world. But when I think about how much of my day is spent on their needs – that’s a LOT of time! Especially right now while we don’t even have childcare for Vivienne.
I am so grateful for the flexibility my business provides, but I feel I can openly say that right now, it’s hard. It’s really hard. I’m realizing how proud of myself I am for the boundaries I’ve set, and how I’ve been able to decide to be done working for the day (that’s extremely difficult for my personality type – any other Enneagram 3s out there?!).
Each child’s arrival has made me more aware of my time, because with each child, I’ve had less and less of it. Additionally, knowing Vivienne is our last baby means I’ve REALLY tried to soak it all in, and that’s made me hold even more boundaries. The work will be there tomorrow… but Vivi will be one day older tomorrow, and that’s one day closer to her no longer wanting to be snuggled.
And the truth is, I actually really like working. I love serving my clients. I love speaking with other passionate female business owners. It brings me a sense of joy. But I also need to remind myself that I have this business so I CAN have the freedom to be present with our children. And I’ll never get this time back (while they’re little!).
The Comparison Trap
This conversation really stemmed from the fact that we working moms often fall into the comparison trap. We compare ourselves to other women who are KILLING it in business… but they don’t have any kids.
Disclaimer: There is NOTHING wrong with not having kids. I think society puts too much pressure on couples to have kids. Maybe you don’t want kids – that’s totally cool! You do what’s best for you.
But seriously: think about how much time you devote to your kids on a daily basis. And I know I won’t always be wiping butts, cutting up people’s food, and getting people dressed… but that’s SO far away right now. I mean, Vivi’s only 6 months old.
We just don’t have a lot of time to ourselves as moms of littles, and that’s okay. Our kids need us right now, and they come first.
But that’s A LOT of hours we don’t get to spend on our business – or quite frankly, ourselves even.
Back in high school and college, I used to sleep for 4 hours a night and I was fine the next day. I don’t even understand how I did it. Now, I’m just trying to get 6 hours of sleep at night, and that’s usually interrupted because Vivi still wakes to nurse.
It won’t always be this way. But I can’t discount that being more tired during the day wears on you mentally, and I’m NOT currently operating at my prime during the day. And my energy goes first & foremost to my client work.
The point? You are doing a phenomenal job as a mom AND as a business owner/corporate employee. You’re doing amazing! It’s not always going to be like this – it won’t always be this hard. Our kids won’t always need us this much.
People always say you’re going to look back and miss it… and I don’t want to have any regrets.
I’m willing to have regrets in my business, but not with my kids.
Don’t compare yourself to somebody else. And really don’t compare yourself to someone who doesn’t have kids. The reality is, they don’t have little humans literally depending on them for their lives.
I probably put 6-8 hours towards my kids minimum each and every day. If I could put that amount of time towards my business each day, it’s laughable where my business could be… but I don’t care. My family comes first, and the kids are only going to be little for so long!
