Sweet Summertime
If you have a child with autism, you know that this time of year can be tough! There are so many transitions and changes to their routines. Heck, even for some neurotypical kids it can be tough – and we are doing some of the things I’m talking about below for Gage, too.
I want to share with you what’s really been working for us so far with Hunter. I’m by no means saying things have gone perfectly, or that we’ve been without tantrums; but I think the transition out of Hunter’s school routine has gone as well as can be expected. Whatever we can do to try and make it better for Hunter, we want to!
Taking It Slow & Talking About It Ahead of Time
I think as parents we all struggle with the decision of when to tell our kids something – whether it’s good news or bad news. How far in advance do we tell them about our trip to Disney? How far in advance do I tell them they have a doctor’s appointment? These are all questions we have as parents when keeping our kids’ best interest at heart.
We have to find the sweet spot for Hunter because it’s very obvious that he has anxiety and worries about things. I’ve been trying to find the balance of talking to him ahead of time so that he can be prepared, he can ask us his questions etc but not TOO far in advance to where he’s a ball of nerves by the time the thing happens. I don’t want him worrying longer than he has to.
We started talking about summer camp in early May (and the first week of camp wasn’t until June). He came home talking about moving up to Kindergarten because they were talking about it at school. So he would come home saying ‘only 11 days until K’ (and counting down each day) which started the conversation about how ‘yes, that’s true but we have summer break first. And during summer break, you’ll go to summer camp at a different school.’ This really got my mind going because I instantly started worrying about all of these transitions and changes for him.
Catching His Brain Breaks Early
Being out of his routine is really something he struggles with and we’ve had one meltdown almost every single day since school has been out. But remember, we have the baby coming, Chance is still working 15 hour days/6 days a week, so it’s more than just this summer transition he has going on.
With that being said, about 4 days into summer I noticed Hunter was starting to have a meltdown each day & camp hadn’t even started yet. I feel like this was the equivalent of the ‘witching hour’ that we talk about with infants. Hunter & Gage both quit the nap by about 2.5 (lucky us), but most days they’re really starting to struggle by the late afternoon / early evening time. It’s definitely a catch-22. They’re starting to get hungry, they’re getting tired, the day is catching up to them but if they nap now, they won’t go to sleep until 10pm.
If I suspect anything after about 4:00p with Hunter – from maybe getting more easily frustrated, looking like he wants to throw something or kick something, he’s grunting or he’s making faces – I tell him to just go up to his room to take a brain break.
It’s working so well for us because he’s not in trouble when he’s going to his room for a brain break. It’s simply recognizing that he is overstimulated and needs a quiet space alone to calm down and decompress. Me talking to him, hugging him, distracting him with something else doesn’t work.
He comes down in about 5-10 minutes. When he’s on a downward spiral, I can’t talk to him or have him hear me. But when he comes down, we can talk and he can tell me what was going on & it’s our best opportunity for communication with him. I’m forceful with getting his attention and telling him he needs to go up, and deep down he knows he needs it, too.
If I don’t catch him for the brain break, then inevitably he’s going to do something that gets him into trouble and then I do have to punish him, which I really don’t want to do.
Bringing Him to the New Environment Ahead of Time
The first example of this is summer camp which is at a different school than they’re used to. Adults get scared going into new places – think about that 500 person conference in a different city for you. So this is new & scary for a 5 & 3 year old.
But this can be extra bad for Hunter who is also over anxious about changes to his routine. We had a pre-camp parent meeting, and I really hemmed and hawed over whether or not to bring him with me. It was at dinner time, I hate bringing kids to parent events, etc.; but I am SO glad I did.
I think going to the meeting, walking into the school with me, being in the auditorium, seeing the camp director, just set his mind at ease in a way that nothing else could have. If I couldn’t have taken him to the meeting, my next best thing was going to be driving him by the school, showing him the playground from the outside etc.
I know this really put his mind at ease! Hunter really battles with the excitement and the anxiety in his body. He’s excited to go to camp, to learn; but he’s also so anxious about the unknown. So this is all about ways that I can minimize that disruption to his routine & not ‘spring’ anything on him.
So now, anytime that I can bring him somewhere that is new, an environment that is new, showing him something new, this is my plan & I think it will help tremendously. It’s a small step in removing the anxiousness tied to something new & exciting.
Another recent example is when Hunter went to a new dentist. I asked the dentist if we could take him ahead of time to show him the office. Just go there, look around and leave – that was the plan. Well, I was able to get him a pretty quick appointment and we had the Memorial Day holiday in there, so I didn’t actually get to take him by the office ahead of time.
We wound up getting there 5 minutes early so that we wouldn’t be rushed and could just take things nice and slow; it was the next best thing. The dentist’s office was great – shout out to Dr. Rachel Neumeyer & the team at Revival Dental (highly recommend them if you’re local to Metairie) – and even let him walk around to look at the office before he went to his room. He got to ask about the x-ray machine, see the different rooms etc. Then he just sat in the chair and watched some Sesame Street. We didn’t do anything; just gave him some time in the chair. It was early in the morning, so it was pretty quiet overall.
Sometimes certain noises trigger him, so I was extremely grateful they had headphones that connected to the TV. I definitely did not think ahead from this perspective and hadn’t packed anything to bring with us because Hunter wanted to wear the headphones the entire time.
We started talking about the dentist visit about 2 days beforehand. It was enough time for him to ask his questions, feel prepared, but not a ridiculously long amount of time for him to just be in a state of constant worry.
Another thing I did that helped was asking him tactical, scientific questions when I could see he was extra nervous. He’s really into that. Whether it’s a fact I knew he would know from his encyclopedia or something we could ask the hygienist to explain more about, that really helps to distract him in the moment.
I could tell he was really nervous about the x-rays, so I told him that it was a way for them to see inside of his teeth just like how we got to see the baby inside mommy’s belly through the ultrasound – which we had just so happened to do a few days before this. We talked about x-rays being for bones because he had a whole section on the human body and bones in his encyclopedia book. He became intrigued and cooperated super well because now he was vested in seeing his teeth, too. I think he still would have cooperated with us, but again, this tactic helped distract him some from the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen.
All of these things can really apply to all children. Honestly, we take a lot of these approaches with Gage, too. They’re just especially great for a neurodiverse or anxious child.
I hope you found these tips helpful as all of our kids are going through some big changes as we transition from school to summer. It’s a fun time but can also be a stressful time. Here’s to summer y’all 🙂
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