Make sure you catch Episode 4 (or the show notes), Episode 5 (or the show notes) & Episode 9 (or the show notes) if you haven’t already because we’re trying to take you through our autism journey chronologically.
I want to share how I felt right after receiving the official diagnosis because I think it was actually very different from how most parents typically feel. I’ve actually spoken to many professionals over the last few years – teachers, doctors, etc – and it always seems like parents are unhappy to have a diagnosis for their child and that is not AT ALL how I felt.
I don’t see Hunter’s diagnosis as anything wrong with him. I felt SO MUCH RELIEF when we got the diagnosis because I felt like I was going crazy making things up in my head. The journey had been so long and arduous at this point. Of course, ‘happiness’ isn’t a word I would use because I’m not ‘happy’ he has autism, but I feel relief in having something formally diagnosed that I can put my finger on – plus now we can figure out how to help/what to do next.
Through the year plus that we were going through this, it was taking a mental toll on me, too. In a way, I felt like I needed this as much as Hunter needed this.
We were sent the evaluation report and had a call with the psychologist for her to explain it all to us. She suggested we share it with his school and pediatrician if we were comfortable – which of course we were. They had both been so supportive along our journey,
I remember our pediatrician, she’s so sweet, and she called me not long after I uploaded the official report to the portal and said “I just want to check in on you and see how you’re feeling about this and make sure you’re okay.”
And the honest answer was “I’m relieved. I feel like I have been heard and we can really start the process of getting Hunter what he needs. We can come up with a plan.”
Hunter’s diagnosis day is a day I’ll never forget. We don’t personally feel like we’re labeling Hunter or doing him a disservice by saying he has autism. It has opened the doors for us to be able to get Hunter the help he needs. And it’s an explanation – not an excuse – of why some things might be different for him or more difficult for him.
At the end of the day, that’s a big part of what the diagnosis means. It’s an opportunity for us to educate ourselves further, find the services that will be the most beneficial for him, find out what helps him/hurts him/delays him/pushes him forward, his strengths and weaknesses.
And to some extent, that’s no different from any other human on the planet. But there’s more knowledge and resources out there for the ‘common weaknesses’ if you want to find help or improvement.
We’re doing the same thing for Hunter because our goal with therapy and intervention is for Hunter to live a full and complete life – whatever that looks like for him. But we want to give him all of the tools and as much of a leadway as possible. Hunter is so smart, so sweet and so capable that I have no doubt in my mind that he’ll do great things. BUT his occupation might look like something that doesn’t have to interact with people every minute of everyday. Or a role that doesn’t require him to make quick decisions – because he’s thoughtful, he ponders before answering. We want him to be aware of his limitations so that he can make good choices for himself and be able to advocate for himself
As his mom, of course I’ll always advocate for him, but we won’t always be there. We want him to work on those skills himself and he’s going to have to do a little more work on those skills than say Gage will, for example (comes a little tooooo naturally to that one if you ask me LOL).
I truly feel like by having this formal diagnosis – it’s really given us a sense of peace, comfort & direction. And it’s a medical diagnosis that is deemed more ‘legitimate’ than just me and my mom gut.
So if you’re in a season, where you’re in this evaluation process or you’re trying to decide if you should get an evaluation – even if it’s not specifically autism we’re talking about – or maybe you’re waiting on an answer, whatever diagnosis your child may or may not get – it does not have to define them. It can, if you choose to let it, but it doesn’t have to.
We don’t let autism define Hunter or our family. We’re learning how to continue on with, and still live, our daily lives. Of course we’re mindful of it – we honor his limitations, but quite frankly, just like we honor our other kids’ limitations – like Beckett needing an afternoon nap and the big boys don’t but we plan activities around it as much as possible nonetheless.
We’re mindful of all our kids’ needs and limitations – Hunter may have more and there may be some he never outgrows – which makes it a little different – but it doesn’t mean we have to treat him differently.
One example of a limitation is when we went to a new ice cream place that didn’t have dye free ice cream. We left because Hunter couldn’t have it, and we went somewhere else that had something for everyone. We’re a family, and we support one another.
Getting a diagnosis doesn’t have to ‘be bad’ or mean ‘the end.’ It can just mean relief, getting some help, getting some answers for all that you’ve been going through and all of the wondering you’ve been doing in your mind.
It depends how you choose to view the diagnosis – and I hope that you choose to look at it in a positive light, or at the very minimum, not a negative light.
I want to add that Hunter is definitely high functioning on the spectrum, and I completely understand that not all autism diagnoses are high functioning. Remember that each child, family, story, needs etc are different 🙂
DM us on Instagram @messy_wonderful if you have any questions or need a friend to listen 🙂
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