I’ve been working on this post for quite some time now, and decided it needed to be shared given the situation our nation and world is facing. This was born out of our long distance friendships, but with everywhere being quarantined, it seems like every friendship has become a long distance friendship, even our friends right up the road.
It’s extra difficult for our little ones to understand what’s going on. But by letting them still see their friends, it gives them the opportunity to talk to them in their own little way. We’re now using FaceTime for our friends both near and far 🙂
So there’s a lot of talk out there about how to help your toddler or young child when a friend moves away. But what about when that friend has always been a long-distance friend? My husband and I live in New Orleans, but we went to college in Alabama and he is originally from North Carolina. Our friends that we met in college are now spread out all over the country. Our closest friends live in Huntsville, AL and Washington, DC. We have an annual friends trip every year, but for our kids, at their young ages, they need more than one trip a year to stay connected to their buddies.
As adults, we text throughout the day with our friends or can jump on a quick call when we’re simultaneously on our way home from work. A 1 year old and a 3 year old can’t quite do that unfortunately.
Here are some of the things we’ve found work for us between the ages of 12m and 3y so far:
- Make a photo book and make sure the pictures are close-ups of the person; we group each photo by family so that Hunter can learn “Uncle Chris, Aunt Michelle, Hudson & Theo” are a family. We sit and go through our photobook just like any other book. You could use a service like Shutterfly to make a pretty, bound book; but personally, we just use a cheap 4×6 photo book. This is because 1) my kids are going to beat it up and 2) I can update the pictures as the kids get older each year (and all I have to order is a 30 cent pic from Walgreens/CVS instead of a whole new book). We actually have pictures of relatives in there as well, just to practice seeing everyone and saying their name. I’d say I started this right around when Hunter was a year old.
- Set calendar dates for video-chatting (we like using FaceTime, but Skype is also a good option if you don’t have an Apple device). It’s important for the kids to see each other in real time. Sure, it’s a sh*t-show because FaceTiming with one toddler is hard enough; two is super difficult. We’ve had to end calls after 3 minutes due to meltdowns, blowouts, screaming, injuries, you name it (or maybe one of them just couldn’t resist that big red “end call” button…) but the time is important no matter how short.
- When FaceTiming/Skyping, let the kids go about their normal activities. We usually call while all kids are in their respective playrooms. They show each other their toys, and we as parents sort of direct them to their common interests. For example, Aunt Michelle might say “Hudson – show Hunter your new dinosaur” because she knows that Hunter also loves dinosaurs. Then, Hunter gets his favorite dinosaur and bonding ensues.
- Still make an effort to visit in person! If possible, we try to make another trip in addition to our annual trip. We might take a cheap flight to DC or drive to Huntsville if we have a long weekend available, and we’ll spend our time there doing cheap/free activities around town (when the kids are with their friends they don’t need anything too fancy to keep them occupied).
- Start conversations about their friends when they’re not communicating with them. We send pictures back and forth via text with our far-away friends and we always talk about things our friends are doing, like “Hudson is going to the dinosaur museum today” and I’ll show Hunter a picture of Hudson with the dino. We talk constantly about our friends and how we look forward to seeing them next.
- Use maps or other visual cues. We’ve recently started working on some geography with Hunter, and we’ll talk about friends who live in specific places to help him remember them. For instance, he has this big puzzle of all of the states in the US, and as we help him with certain pieces we’ll say things like, “This is Florida; Aunt Becca and Uncle Matt live here” (of course the first thing he knows about Florida is that it’s where “Mickey’s house” is…).
It’s really important for both parents on each end to be committed to talking constantly about their long distance friends. We talk about our friend in DC almost the same amount as our friend here in NoLa. And the most amazing thing is that toddlers are SO resilient. They seriously love without abandon and rarely have met a person they don’t like. It’s so sweet to watch the boys act like they’ve never been separated when we are together. We always joke that our boys will wind up college roommates down the road, and who knows, it just might actually happen!
Do you have any tips or tricks that work well for long-distance toddler friendships?
