In episode 4, I shared some of the things that made me first suspect that we needed professional help with Hunter. Today, I’m sharing the moment I felt ‘validated’ in my feelings that we did in fact need professional help.
At first, I felt like I was being over dramatic about Hunter’s behaviors; that I was making it more than it needed to be and it wasn’t just ‘terrible 2s.’ I’m here to validate your feelings if YOU are feeling this way about your child. It can feel very lonely if you’re the only one noticing these things or wanting to seek professional help. Others are making you feel crazy because you’re the only one noticing this.
I want to share my experience that I still remember vividly that allowed me to stop hedging back and forth on actually finding professional help.
September 2019. Our family trip, we went out to California, and Hunter was just shy of 3. We were at the San Diego Zoo by the primate exhibit. Hunter had fallen asleep in the stroller & when he woke up, he was just in one of his tantrums. No matter what anyone did, he was continuing to kick, scream etc – even my parents.
At one point, he wound up on the ground. We were those people, in the middle of the zoo, and our child was crying and kicking on the ground. It must have been only 5-10 minutes, but it felt like an eternity in that moment. In that moment, it seems like everyone is staring at you, it’s never going to end and so forth. It’s a moment I hope to never relive because it was so embarrassing.
I had dealt with these tantrums before to the best of my ability. This was a really bad one, though. My mom – who previously would say ‘you’re being too tough on him’ – finally saw with her own eyes how bad it could get. This was the first time she saw how hard I was working to help Hunter, how nothing that anyone did – not me, Chance, my mom or my dad – was going to make a difference.
After a while, we finally got him to calm down enough to just peacefully sit on a nearby bench. My dad and Chance took Gage up ahead to keep looking at animals and my mom stayed back with me while I was holding Hunter. And my mom (which we are VERY close) looked over at me and said point blank “maybe you’re not making all of this up.” In that moment, that was the validation that I needed to keep going. I no longer felt like I was being ridiculous or making things up in my head.
Ultimately, I knew I didn’t need anyone to validate this for me; I’m normally a pretty confident person; but especially with our kids, we’re always trying to make the best decision for them. I was really going back and forth with this decision, and no one else seemed to be concerned.
People might say ‘Oh, it’ll get better’ or ‘They’ll grow out of it’ unintentionally – and yea, they might. But what if they don’t? What if things get worse? What if you still know deep down something isn’t quite right? YOU spend the most time with your child & know them best.
Maybe you just need someone who hears you, supports you and understands how your feeling… It can be a really tough journey sometimes when no one listens to you but you know you need to keep going.
So I am here to be your validation, to tell you to keep going, keep searching until you’re at peace.
If you have more questions for me or need clarification on anything, definitely feel free to DM us on Instagram
And if you’re looking for more information on toddler and child autism, definitely take a look at the book guide I mentioned; I really wish we would have known about these books sooner to help us start understanding more about what Hunter was experiencing.
DM us on Instagram @messy_wonderful if you have more questions or are in a similar season – happy to answer anything you have!
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